Monday, 6 October 2014

Now what?

Now what ... ?

It's the question I now ask myself after I discovered I didn't want to be a beauty therapist.
It's never something I thought I'd say as I started my diploma of beauty therapy back in July 2012.
Nor is it something I wanted to accept as I progressed my way through beauty school.
I love beauty. I really do, and probably always will. It's why I am writing this blog, making YouTube videos, and taking photos of my latest beauty related purchase on Insta.
So why?
I studied beauty therapy for 18 months at a prestigious school in Melbourne.
During my time there I had some of the most incredible experiences I will never forget.
 A spa tour to far north Queensland, beauty expos in Melbourne and Sydney, and even a world tour to Dubai the UK and Paris.
I asked myself multiple times what the heck was going on, what was wrong with me? was something telling me not to go down this path... or was I just struggling to learn?
And then I suddenly realized it was all too much.
This whole thing was all too much.
It's not what I wanted.

I'll tell anyone thinking about beauty school to go for it, I have no regrets as I have learnt so much. but trust me it's not all pretty and perfect.
You need to know your stuff, and if you don't, don't think you can just 'wing' it.
Science is the main subject you need to know back to front.
How the skin works, bodily functions, nutrition, chemistry.
It was a love-hate thing for me.
Don't get me wrong, this isn't why I didn't enjoy it,
it doesn't mean I don't work hard or don't like a challenge. It just lost it's meaning for me.
It wasn't the reason I started, which was because I had a passion and genuinely loved beauty.
It was becoming a day to day drudgery.
I realized that beauty was my hobby, not a full time job.

I remember getting so tired during client consultations, so nervous as there was so much to remember and so annoyed at the same time because this was meant to be my 'calling' ?
Am I the only girl who doesn't want to be here? I thought to myself.
Why am I the only one left in facials class every Friday because I am so slow to do my facial?
It will get better Emily, you're just learning ... I told myself on daily basis.
Makeup and beauty was always something I explored in my spare time, watching YouTube videos and buying makeup when I could afford to. Getting interested in skincare and body care, and just looking forward to experimenting with it. That's what I wanted, to do my own thing, to experiment, To play.

And now looking back that's what I see, a passion which I can explore and have fun with.
I do spray tans on my friends, and maybe one day that may turn into a business, but working in a spa with a million duties and a gazillion things running through my head is not what I envisioned.
I am so grateful that I have found spray tanning, my blog and YouTube channel as a way of experimenting with this hobby of mine, and as I am still very unsure of what my purpose in life is, I know something will work out eventually.
But for now I work at a supermarket by day and blog by night, it's not where I ever thought I'd be,
but I am happy, and that's the main thing.
Sometimes life doesn't go the way we expect.

If any of you out there are struggling with finding what it is you want to do, don't give up.
You'll find something someday, and as long as you're working, making money and happy with what you do, that's all that matters!

I've learnt that you need to do what works for you, trust your gut instincts, and if something doesn't feel right, don't force it.
It probably isn't meant to be.

Love Emily.

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